i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
