i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
