break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
