Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
