You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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