The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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