he told me I talked like a deaf person
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
