What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
