True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
