i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
