he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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