He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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