i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
