I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
