Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize