i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
