I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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