the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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