birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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