I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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