well you can't waste a boner
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize