i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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