Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
