connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
