If i come over, it means nothing
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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