The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
