I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
