I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
