i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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