my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
