I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
