College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
