You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
