i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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