hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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