she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
