At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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