this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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