I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize