Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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