Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
