Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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