I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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