Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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