if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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