so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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