Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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