I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Welp...herpes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Randomize
