omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
