this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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