Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
