Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize