you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
