grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
