What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
