So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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