Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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