This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize