It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
