I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
