My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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