Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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