I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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