And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
