i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
