In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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