Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
