It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize