I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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