my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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