Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
