What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
