I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
