Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
