I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
