i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
