He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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