Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
