Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
