you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
