Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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