I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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