so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize