I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
