What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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