i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
