My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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