She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm like, not good at living.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
